When I met Paul, he taught me about men and how they learn in a very different way than a woman does. First, I thought he was crazy, and even thought he talked a little 'macho style." I was raised in a very 'macho' country, and was very sensitive to these types of comments.
As I listened to him and as we worked with our own mentor, I learned that he knew what he was talking about. Many times we would get into arguments that had no resolution. We would go to our mentor, and the mentor would ask me what the issuse was. I would explain (this usually took very long descriptions). The mentor would 'translate' what I described to Paul. This would usually be a much shorter version, but pretty acurate. I still recall Paul's noding - "ahhhhh, I see, I get what Leila was saying now."
I would be furious. Every single time. What was it that the mentor said to Paul that was so different from what I repeated to him over and over?
Apparently Paul was right. Men need a mentor to learn, they do not understand their woman explaining to them.
Selective hearing?
Peer pressure?
A man knows how to say it?
Another man is more of an authority?
I still have no idea. I do have some theories about, but what really matters is that as women we can realy use some help from a man mentoring our man...
The problem is most men who could use a mentor would be avoiding a mentor becuase they were wounded by the man who was closest to them. Usually their father, but sometimes an uncle, grandfather, etc. The last thing they want to do is to have a more intimate, bonded relatiosnhip with another man. Very common to see that these men relate to other men only superficially, would talk about sports, politics, etc. but would not discuss relationship issues, addictions, etc.
Men who did not have another man growing up who taught them how to be the man they wanted to be (such as a father/father figure who was consistent, present and bonded in a positive manner) will frequently also have issues being intimate with women. They may be able to create relationships but always blame their partners for what goes wrong, and do not 'own' their contribution to the issues.
Paul has worked with men for more than 20 years, supporting their quest for creating fullfilling and supportive relationships, dealing with addiction, and helping men find their direction and purpose.
I have always been in awe seeing the way he is able to connect with other men deeply from a non-judgmental place, and standing in compassion. He brings into his mentoring the lived experience of having worked through tough relationship issues including lying, hiding, and shutting down. He had done a 180 degree in his own life and is able to walk other men through the steps, and help them be accountable in their way.